


Levi and Eren: Ace Titan Killers

by mybrainproblems



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ace Levi and Eren because I feel bad about only writing smut, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2165142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybrainproblems/pseuds/mybrainproblems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to popular belief, Eren's sexual orientation <em>isn't</em> killing titans. He just isn't interested in sex period.</p><p>Hanji knows that Eren and Levi like each other and thinks they just need a push and locks them in a closet together. Things don't go as planned but they work out in the end.</p><p>(Pun titles are best titles)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Levi and Eren: Ace Titan Killers

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully I wrote their asexuality believably. I based this on an ace relationship I was in (though I don't identify as straight-up ace myself) and seriously just don't even ask about my sexuality because I've given up on trying to figure it out for real. I'm a whole bundle of brain problems.
> 
> This is an expansion of [this post](http://mybrainproblems.tumblr.com/post/94863960679/ok-so-like-eren-has-been-so-busy-with-the-whole-titans) on Tumblr.

He had received the “birds and the bees” talk before his father had disappeared, but seeing as he was only ten at the time his father had kept it fairly basic and clinical. The first year he was in the Trainee Corps he was just fine, he was about as well-informed as anyone else. But after the first year he was quickly outpaced in terms of knowledge and experience by every other member of their training regiment. It wouldn’t have bothered him except that he felt pressured to join in on the crude talk and at least make some semblance of an effort at having the same reactions as everyone else when Reiner would tell crude stories or Jean would share his own fantasies; thankfully none of them involving Mikasa. Over time the rest of the regiment cottoned on and the joke became that Eren Jaeger’s sexual orientation was killing titans and that maybe he’d eventually find a partner based on their titan-killing abilities.

At least Armin and Mikasa were supportive if not entirely understanding. Their constant reassurances that he was just a late bloomer and he’d eventually be interested in sex were welcome at first but now they just annoyed him because no, he was pretty damn certain that he was _never_ going to be interested in sex. And he definitely wouldn’t be attracted to anyone on the basis of their ability to kill titans. As graduation approached more than a few people in the regiment participated in some sort of celebratory sex and Mikasa and Armin continued to “reassure” him, joking that once he finally discovered his sex drive he’d be absolutely insatiable.

When the wall fell, he discovered something totally different.

 

One beating and a few jokes about whether he was “into that sort of thing” later he was an official member of the Survey Corps. As he trained and began to fit in with the Special Operations Squad he did notice one thing that gave him a glimmer of hope at normalcy in the same moment that it taunted him about his abnormality.

Not only was he able to shift into a titan at will, he also had a romantic but non-sexual crush on his commanding officer.

Eren maybe wanted to cuddle up with Levi and maybe play with his hair while he read or just lean up against him while he did paper work. As much as he blushed at the thought of maybe being allowed to cup Levi’s face in his hand and feel his warm skin under his palm he knew that others would probably be blushing over something a hell of a lot more explicit than touching someone’s cheek or running their hand through someone’s hair.

He should have known that Hanji would eventually find out about his lack of interest in sex and attribute it to his titan shifting abilities.

 

“So you’ve never had any interest in sex?”

“No.” Eren was blushing bright red. “I’m not… I’ve just never been interested in anyone um… sexually.”

“I wonder if that has to do with titans’ lack of sex organs? Have you ever been attracted to anyone? Had nocturnal emissions, masturbated while fantasizing about someone or something?”

“ _Oh god._ ” Eren buried his face in his hands, he could feel the heat radiating off of his face and swore that you would probably be able to fry an egg on it or that he would make a very convincing tomato right now. “Why would I…? I’m sorry I can’t do this.”

Eren fled the room and ran back down to his room in the dungeon where he proceeded to hide under a blanket and attempt to will away the redness on his face. This was _not_ something that he wanted to talk about and he doubted it would be of any use to Hanji anyway. He didn’t want to talk about how he was a freak in more than one way though he supposed it was some amount of solace that this could be related to his titan shifting abilities. At least then it would just be the extension of his preexisting freakishness and not an additional thing.

_____________________________________

“Hanji? I thought you were meeting with Eren?” Erwin was looking at them in shock; they had met with Eren for less than an hour.

“Yes well, I think that there’s a chance that nobody ever actually gave Eren the Talk and somehow – and I don’t even know how this is possible – he went through training without picking up a single damn thing about sex.”

“And you want me to do what about this?”

“Well _somebody_ needs to give him the Talk.”

“Leave me out of this. I have other things to worry about. Levi’s his handler, tell him I’m ordering him to do it.”

_____________________________________

“No.”

“I haven’t even said anything yet!”

“Hanji, whatever it is, I don’t give a shit. The answer is no.”

“Nope, you can’t say no. Erwin’s ordering you.”

“What’s he ordering me to do?”

“Give Eren the Talk.” Levi stared blankly at Hanji.

“What ‘Talk’ am I supposed to be giving him? The one where if he transforms without our say-so I hack his head off? Because we’ve already had that one.”

“No, _the_ Talk. The sex talk? Really?”

“And why am _I_ the one who’s doing this?”

“Because you’re his handler. And apparently he somehow made it through training without learning a damn thing about sex given the way he was reacting earlier.”

“If you were talking to him earlier then you do it.”

“He ran out of the room while I was talking to him.”

“I don’t blame him. Still doesn’t explain why you’re asking me to do it.”

“You’re someone he respects and you’re his commanding officer; it’s your responsibility to educate him.”

“I’m also the one who’s supposed to kill him if he steps out of line.”

“Leviiiiiiiiii…”

“I am literally the least-qualified person to do this.”

“Commander’s orders.”

_____________________________________

Eren knew that somehow the task of talking to him about sex had been delegated to Levi and he took to avoiding him in all situations outside of training. He would swear that Levi seemed to be doing the same since he couldn’t imagine that they would _never_ run into each other when there wasn’t at least one other person in the room or that Levi wouldn’t order people out of the room if he really wanted to talk to Eren. He could also sense Hanji’s mounting frustration with the both of them avoiding each other but Levi was literally the last person who he wanted to talk about his abnormality with.

_____________________________________

“You’re avoiding him too.”

“I don’t care and given that he’s avoiding me too I’d say he doesn’t want to do this either.”

“Awww… but he has a crush on you.”

“All the more reason for me not to be the one to do this.”

“I know you have a thing for him too.”

Levi went absolutely motionless for a moment before slowly turning to look at Hanji directly. The glare he was giving them would have had any other person running in the opposite direction. Hanji put up their hands in a conciliatory gesture and backed away a few steps.

“All I’m saying is that it’s an opportunity for you two –”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Do it or I’ll lock you two in a cleaning closet and _make_ you deal with this.”

“I’d like to see you try, shitty glasses.”

_____________________________________

Eren walked towards Levi’s office with trepidation. He had received the note a few minutes ago requesting that he meet him there. He knew what this meant and he was dreading every moment of it. He didn’t want to talk about sex, he didn’t want to talk about his abnormality and didn’t want to discuss any of it with the man he had a crush on. Especially given that if that ever came out he would have to explain that yes, he really liked him but no, he didn’t want to do anything sexual with him.

All in all, Eren Jaeger was a wreck.

It made it just that much easier for Hanji to grab him and throw him into a cleaning closet.

“Squad Leader, NO!” He heard Mobit crying out as the door slammed.

“Squad Leader, YES!” Was apparently Hanji’s response as he heard the lock on the door click.

He heard Hanji dragging Moblit off while he protested that they couldn’t lock Humanity’s Strongest and Humanity’s Hope in a closet together. As soon as he heard that he turned and brushed up against someone next to him. When the lantern light flared up his worst suspicion was confirmed – he was currently locked in a closet with Levi.

“I didn’t think they’d actually go through with it…”

“Go through with what, sir?”

“They threatened to lock me in a closet with you.”

“W-why would they do that?” He watched as Levi tipped his head back and sighed. Eren thought it was cute, the way his face scrunched up and then relaxed.

“Because apparently I’ve been ordered to give you the sex talk for reasons I will never understand.”

“What? Why were you ordered to do that?”

“Hanji said that you never got it.” Levi’s eyebrows drew together, “and I am the last person who should be doing this.”

Eren was flushing bright red again and leaned against the wall briefly before sliding down to the floor and burying his face in his knees. He couldn’t meet Levi’s gaze. It was too embarrassing for him, he didn’t want to discuss how much of a freak he was. Not now, not ever.

“I don’t need to be given the talk.” He mumbled into his knees and hoped that Levi could hear him, there was no way he could face him right now. “My dad was a doctor and I _did_ go through training and lived with a ton of other guys. Trust me, I don’t need to hear about sex any more than I already have.”

“So why the hell is Hanji under the impression that you have no clue what sex is?”

“I guess I did kind of run out of the room when they were asking me questions about dreams and um… whether or not I…” He couldn’t finish saying it.

“So you were just really embarrassed and Hanji was just blowing this completely out of proportion. Good to know, brilliant. Thanks, shitty glasses.” Levi copied him and sunk down to the floor but stretched his legs out rather than drawing them up towards himself and tipped his head back so that he was looking up at the ceiling. Eren had finally unburied his head and was peeking at Levi over his knees. Levi suddenly turned to face him. “Why the hell was Hanji asking you about sex anyway?”

Eren breathed in deeply, preparing himself for what he was about to say.

“I’m not interested in sex. I never have been and Hanji thinks it’s some sort of side effect of being able to turn into a titan. Just another thing that makes me a freak.” He refused to meet Levi’s eyes as he spoke, preferring to look at the floor instead.

His body jerked up in shock when he heard Levi start laughing. He felt himself burning from embarrassment and tearing up from the humiliation of having shared something so personal and being laughed at.

“You aren’t a freak.” Levi’s laughter had subsided and he was smiling faintly at Eren. “I doubt it has anything to do with your ability to shift into a titan either. You aren’t interested in sex? So what? Not everyone is.”

“Yeah, well after having gone through training and living in close quarters with a shit ton of people I’m going to have to beg to differ on that one, sir.”

“Nanaba’s not interested in sex… and neither am I. It’s just how we are, there’s nothing wrong with it. You aren’t a freak.”

Eren was staring at Levi open-mouthed but quickly snapped his mouth shut.

“But you don’t like things being dirty so it makes –”

“It has nothing to do with cleanliness. I’m not going to make excuses for why I’m not interested in sex. I’m just not interested, end of story.”

“So I’m not a freak… you know, barring the turning into a titan thing.”

“No, you really aren’t.” Levi was smiling gently at him and Eren felt like he’d been wrapped in a warm blanket. He blushed slightly and met Levi’s gaze, inhaling deeply before speaking.

“I really like you.”

“Yeah, you’re not exactly subtle.”

 “Was that why you were avoiding me?”

“Part of it.”

“Why else?”

“Because I didn’t want to talk about sex with someone who I like when I wouldn’t be able to give that to them.”

“Oh. Wow.”

Levi shuffled around the closet so that he was sitting next to Eren and Eren carefully let his head dip to bury his nose in Levi’s hair.

“You smell nice.”

_____________________________________

Hanji ended up forgetting to let them out until early the next morning. Upon opening the door they were met with the sight of Eren and Levi sitting next to each other sleeping; Levi resting his head on Eren’s shoulder and Eren’s head on top of his. Hanji’s squeal of excitement caused the both of them to wake up with a start and they got up, stretching out from the position they had been in all night.

“Sooooo… how was last night?” Hanji winked at Eren as they nudged Levi.

“It was fine.”

“Levi, you need to give me more details than that! What happened?” Eren turned and allowed his head to thump forward into the wall.

“Nothing happened.”

“Are you telling me that I locked you in a closet overnight and all you did was use each other as pillows?”

“Yes.”

“Eren, you know he likes you, right?”

“Um yeah, he told me.”

“And you didn’t do anything?”

“Hanji. Neither of us is interested in sex. We like each other but we don’t want to do anything sexual. Is that really so hard to understand?”

“I guess… not?” Hanji looked slightly mystified.

“Just go back to bed. I’m sure Moblit wasn’t happy to be woken up at who the hell knows that time it is because you finally remembered you locked us in a closet.”

Hanji sighed and walked off, leaving Eren and Levi to themselves again. Levi rubbed at his temples.

“It’s too early in the morning for this.”

Eren closed the few steps between them and linked his own pinky finger with Levi’s.

“Is this okay? Just this?”

“Yeah. It’s perfect.”


End file.
